God, it’s me again
We’ve been here a thousand times before and I’m back
Beaten and bare.
I hate to be repetitive but I need to know:
Why am I here?
Why this place?
Why this major?
Why this job?
Why this family?
Why this past?
Why this present?
I’m trying not doubting you
I know you have a plan for me,
for my life,
for my past, present, and future
Your Word says as much is true
But I’m still here, confused
What good is going to come out of the messes I’ve made?
I’m trying to make sense of it all, but I just can’t
And the questions just keep piling higher and higher
God, I need you more now than ever before
To hold me tighter
To keep me standing.
To make it so I can go through another day
In all my trust, I’m starting to lose faith in the fact that it will get better
That there really is some light in this suffocating darkness
I’m not asking for you to snap your fingers like a genie in a bottle
I’m not asking for you to magically make this mess disappear
I really just need you to hold me tighter in this moment
So I can see that even in this, you’ll never let go
In my faith, I’m trusting that you have a plan
That this is pain will be for a reason
I already can see some good in this moment
If nothing else, I’m pressing harder into you
For strength because I am weary
For hope because mine is wearing thin
For love because I feel so unlovable right now
For comfort because I feel alone
God above all help me to have faith even in the midst of my questions, doubts, and fears
In this moment,
All of today,
And until you take me home
Because this is hard
And I’m starting to lose hope