Trials and Temptations

I’m not going to lie, this semester has been a huge struggle. All of the issues from my past that I have not been dealing with or ignoring all together have come up to the surface. God has been convicting me and in a way has forced me to process the past. This all has come up from chapel sermons, class lectures, and assignments. These last couple of months I have been working on breaking down the walls I have built up and trying to let people in. I’m learning to accept that I am not the mask of perfection that I tried to put on daily, and, try as I might in keeping the image, I am not the “perfect Christian girl”. I have been wrestling with God and he is winning. God is also teaching me to let go, and let Him do all of the work. Now in the middle of the spring semester, I am drained. Drained emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I’m done fighting, I’m done losing. I’m done trying to fight God, and letting go. For the first time in my life, I’m willing to admit that I have real weaknesses, I’m not as strong as I would like to be. To put it simply, I’m finally admitting that I am indeed human. I am not perfect, and I never will be.
These revelations may seem like no brainers, but for some reason, I’ve never been able to admit any of this out loud. I. Am. Human. I sin, I struggle, and I. Am. Not. Perfect!! Sadly, It has taken far too many tears, emotional and mental break downs, sleepless nights, poor choices, and a semester of Bible college for me to realize this simple fact.
This realization has given me so much joy! Just typing out these words is giving me a peace that could only come from God. The verses that have given me the most peace and assurance through this time are found in 2 Corinthians 4.
“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all- surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed,” (2 Corinthians 4:7-9).
These verses are a constant reminder that even though the world feels like it is crushing me down, God is holding me in His hands. He has everything figured out and has great plans for my life, even though I can’t see that sometimes.
In this same passage these verses 16-18 have been there to put everything back into perspective.
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal,” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).
What I’m dealing with right now may seem too heavy, and I may feel like I’m drowning. But in the scope of eternity, none of this really matters. Heaven is the final goal, this world is only temporary.
These lessons have been incredibly hard to learn. But in the end, they are some of the most important lessons I’ve ever had to struggle through. I’m really glad that I’ve dealt with this. In the end, I’ve learned the simplest of all lessons: Let go and Let God.

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